Joy.

Last Tuesday I worked my temple shift-
(and I hate saying "worked" and "shift" 
when I talk about the temple because it's sooo not work)-

however, I was there and it felt good to be back.
It's not shocking to know that I have been praying a lot 
about joy lately.
About finding it, and giving it.
I definitely had a week of joy in Texas with the little family.
And I don't mean just happiness, I mean joy.
The kind of joy that comes from wanting to do everything you can to help and love and create happiness.
 And it is always so hard to leave.
As I flew back, I felt the ever looming clouds of my own problems and concerns returning to my mind...I tried to banish them with positive thinking, Korean music (not joking), 
uplifting podcasts and talks. 
I fought them hard.
In Texas, after my scripture study,  
I read my patriarchal blessing every night.
I picked and pulled at it. I rewrote it. I categorized it. I did everything I could to try and comprehend it's overarching message that I was struggling to believe.
The message that told me that joy and happiness would reign supreme in my life. Supreme.
At this time in my life that almost seems laughable.
 But because I believe and trust God with my whole soul, 
I know that it is truth.
With that promise of joy he also gave me ways to feel it and share it.
So I am on a mission. 
A mission to find and feel and give joy.
And in the temple last Tuesday, as I was walking back from the bride's room after having dropped off an elated grandmother to be with her almost married grand-daughter, 
I had the biggest smile on my face and in my heart.
The spirit whispered "This is joy Brenda. True joy."
IT WAS.
God is good.