The Adventures of Wildabeast: Call of the Wild

It's just so weird to get a mission call through email. My friend's son opened his in chemistry class and texted her the news. Yikes.

Will wanted a little more than that. 

We gathered- some via Zoom and some in person. 

It is really a strange moment. And actually pretty vulnerable.

He was so worried that he would be disappointed in his call- even though he knew that shouldn't be a thing. 

Wherever it was to, he just wanted to feel it. Feel God telling him it was truly for him. 

Vanuatu, Port Vila Mission- we had to look it up.

Never heard of it. But we felt it.

Will felt it deeply. Relief and happiness.

And now, he is temporarily going to Tucson. That assignment came less dramatically and I was worried. One week in the MTC and another big change. A disappointing one. I worried all day about how he would take it. But he didn't even flinch.

Though he didn't know it then, but what he felt on that day way back when, was God affirming his call to serve. Period. Wherever.

So Tucson tomorrow and Vanuatu some day. 

All is well. 

The Adventures of Wildabeast: Things Eternal.

I attended the temple for the last time this year the day after my dad died.

As I sat in the Celestial room I thought about all things Eternal.

 I remember thinking to myself, "I believe it. I believe it all-Creation, Jesus, Eternity, everything. 

And I just sat in that Peace for a good, long time.

Six weeks later when my mom died, the temple was closed. 

And still yet, I sat in that Peace- the peace of Creation, Jesus, Eternity, everything. 

Seven long  months later that Peace is a little bit stretched.

Every once in awhile on Tuesday morning, when that peace felt like it was about to snap,  I would shower and dress in my Sunday best, gather my scriptures and  head to the temple. I almost believed I would go inside but really, I sat in it's parking lot and read and poured out my heart. Somehow, just reentering my beloved Tuesday temple routine was healing. 

All this to say when Will received a temple date to be endowed, I am pretty sure I was more happy for me than him. I prayed really hard for weeks that I would not fall apart when we walked in the door. I warned him over and over again that I might be a mess- but it would be a good mess and not to worry. 

I will never be able to put into words how amazing that experience was. For him. For me. 

But these words come to mind: "I believe it all- Creation, Jesus, Eternity, everything". 

Soooo happy I got to share that with my son.

The Adventures of Wildabeast: Vanuatu bound with a detour in Tucson.

Five weeks ago, this kid, this youngest kid of mine, was set apart to be a missionary. 

Honest to goodness. 

And in just one week, he will leave the nest.

There are lots of emotions wrapped up in that but for now, we will just pretend it's all going to be great.  

Before all of that happens, here is a recap of Home MTC:

It might be only a mom and dad who have noticed-but he has changed. So much. It is miraculous to see a kid who HATED anything to do with Zoom, LOVE his classes, his district, his companion, and the gospel over Zoom. God is working miracles for sure.

It's sad that he has missed some opportunities that could have been had only in the Provo MTC but what wasn't missed? Having to drop him off at the curb while he was still reeling from the goodbyes. It has been awesome to talk him through the hard parts of leaving friends and his other life- we have had lots of heart to hearts. 

We have walked together every morning for 5 weeks- wouldn't change that for anything.  

We recap his day and pray together every night-wouldn't change that either.

We've played LOTS of games together as a family, still have family dinners on Sundays, and even spent a P-Day at Lagoon (not sure if that was super legal but none the less...).

Home MTC has been a different kind of wonderful. We have loved every minute.

Yep, I know that a different curbside drop-off is unavoidable and it's coming up fast. 

But now, I have seen him grow up a whole lot these past 5 weeks.

 I can feel a little more confident sending him out into that missionary world because I have seen for myself- that he prays a little harder and a little deeper, and knows what it feels like be comforted by the Spirit.

Love him.

Pray for me. :/

Oh yeah, and for him too. ;)

Junior Prom

Hey, life has been a little too serious lately. Let's break it up with some Prom happiness.

This kid was born for this. 

He loves every part of Prom planning.

For real, he was a master at it. 

The part that wasn't so amazing was asking his 

mom to be the photographer.

Oh well.

 

Holy.

Last Sunday night I dropped my dad off at his "new place" for the final time that week.
That place was my sister Alicia's home- a temporary landing until he and my mom can move to Utah. After a week-long visit of being joined at the hip with the man who has been my hero for 50 plus years, it was hard.
We sat in the car for a little while, as we had done all week, while he finished telling me a story from his childhood.
A story I had heard a million times as a little girl while he tucked us in to bed.
I loved hearing it one more time.
I loved his incredulous reaction when I filled in some details that he didn't know I knew.
I loved his emotion as he told me his mother was an angel from heaven.
And I loved when he wondered out loud what he would do without me when I left.

And that is the question I have been asking ever since he began to leave.
Alzheimer's is taking him and it's the worst.

But this past week, I tried to pretend it was the best.
Spending every waking moment with him felt like a gift.
He knew me, called me by name often, and told me he loved me over and over.
We spent alot of time in the memories he can remember-
and struggled through the daily ones that he just can't.
We laughed, we cried.
It was the best.

And so I dropped him off for the last time that week and wondered what the next time would be like.
And I cried my way home because I am the luckiest, most blessed daughter.
As always, time with him leaves me changed for the better.

I love you, Dad.

My dad with his two sisters: Joan (the bride), and Janis.

With President Kimball

With my INCREDIBLE mom and their favorite past time.

Homecoming 2018

What are you going to do when your last child does this to you? 

Not sure how this happened but-

 okay. 

Junior year, here we come.

2017 In A Playlist

Spotify just let me know that this was my most played song last year.
Not surprised at all.

And I could make a good case for it becoming this year's too.

Have I mentioned that life is hard?
At the fireside I went to last night one of the speakers said something like this:
We are trained to think that all questions should have answers, 
that there should always be a happy ending. 
But the truth is, mortality is messy- and life is hard, 
and for some complicated issues,
 there are no "clean" answers.
That resonated with me.
My life is messy.
But I am learning to embrace the mess and in the process, God is embracing me.
Mostly, I am learning how to trust Him more.
God is HUGE about trusting Him.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to believe in a God that I understood completely
 and all of His ways made sense to me.
That would put Him on my level. How then is He God?
 I believe in a God who has all the answers but only gives me some of them right now.
 Because with me, He is trying to create someone who leaves this earth better than when I  came.
And most importantly, He is trying to create someone who trusts Him and His son.
Completely.
100%.
That just doesn't come without a whole bunch of awesome, terrible, happy, painful, joyful, and spiritually stretching experiences.
And stretching is scary.
Thus my most played Spotify song:

When it gets hard, I get a little braver now, I get a little stronger now.
And when it gets dark, I get a little brighter now, I get a little wiser now... 

Yep, braver, stronger, brighter, and wiser.
I'll take all of those.
Here's to a braver, stronger, brighter and wiser 2018.