Friday, July 8, 2016

A Few Words About Girls Camp That Are Entirely Too Personal But I'm Sharing Anyway.

I am no stranger to Girls Camp.
As near as I can remember, I have been to camp for the last 7 years straight.
Last fall when I was released from the Stake Young Women's presidency, I was almost giddy with the thought that I would not be going to Girls Camp the next year.
No guilt about those feelings, I had definitely done my time.
And so, no one was more surprised than me
when I was called as the ward Camp Director again this year.
The bigger surprise was that I felt happy about it.
Not sure why- maybe it was because I have been to camp with Hannah every single year since she was old enough to go.
It probably was partly that- but now I know it went deeper.
It's been a rough year. And I suspect it's just going to get rougher.
Without going into details, my soul has felt shredded.
So much so that I was having a hard time feeling anything but the hurt.
I was a little frustrated by my inability to feel much from God.
I knew He was there but I couldn't feel Him.
When I knelt to pray- I would do nothing but cry and so praying became hard for me.
I was sooo tired of crying.
One day as I was working in the temple I told Him how sad I was that I couldn't feel Him.
In essence His answer was this: I can't communicate with you when you are in so much distress. 
It is blocking the spirit's ability to comfort you. Let me take it from you.
I wanted so badly to let that happen-but I couldn't figure out how.
And then came Girls Camp.
On the first day of camp, they gave us a paper that helped us set some goals to grow spiritually at camp.
The only thing I wanted was to feel Heavenly Father wrap His arms around me
and let me give away the pain.
I just wanted to feel His love.
And it happened.
Every. Single. Day.
By the time Girls Camp ended I felt like I could breathe again.
Five days of nothing but learning and talking about the gospel and God's love
brought amazing healing to me.
Each day I felt God's love in a sweet and powerful way.
And every day since camp, as I pray, study the scriptures, and let the temple permeate my soul, I feel the power of the atonement healing, comforting, and strengthening me.
I love Jesus. I LOVE Him.
And most importantly, I can feel right down inside my broken but healing heart, that He loves me more.
And that is why I love Girls Camp :)