Saturday, March 8, 2014


It's Saturday morning and all is quiet.
Will, Michael and Buddha are on a camp out.
Bethany is in St. George for a Lacrosse tournament.
Our three little overnight guests are still sound asleep,
and Hannah and Elijah have hours to go before they wake.

I have been lying in my bed just thinking about life.
How hard it is.
I never really understood just how hard it would be.
That sometimes, raising children would be like someone kicked you in the stomach, over and over again.
Because every time they suffer, you suffer.
That you are only as happy as your most unhappy child,
and that you will probably never, ever stop worrying about them.

Life is hard for so many of my dear friends and family members. Painfully hard.
Some are dealing with the consequences of horrible choices made by others.
Others are struggling with some challenging mental health problems.
I have two more friends with cancer scares right now-nothing definite, just waiting to know results. It's unbelievable.

I saw the movie Son of God this week. I had mixed emotions.
I felt such love for Jesus, just by watching the actor portraying him.
His kindness, his healing, his compassion--all of those things on the big screen moved me.
The crucifixion scenes were horrible- I must admit I closed my eyes a great deal.
It's just not something that I want to see. I think I "get" the horror of it without seeing it.

But here is what I know.
I know that Jesus went through all of that for me, for my friends that are struggling so greatly now, and for all of us.
And so, when I am lying in my bed trying to make sense of it all-
I remember that His love for me trumps it all. 
No one's life will ever be harder than His.
He "gets" every single one of our challenges, small and huge,
and He will help us through them.
The spirit testifies that to me again and again.
I feel His love to my very core.

And I don't need a movie to tell me that.

Our overnight guests :)