Here's a post I wasn't sure I'd publish
but from somewhere deep inside it needs to be written.
When I was a young mom, I found a scripture smack dab in the middle of the war chapters in the Book of Mormon. I read it often and told myself that it was probably the most important scripture I would ever read and understand. It pertained to Moroni's extensive fortification of cities, but to me, it was speaking of families and children.
In Alma 59:9, Moroni says that "it was easier to keep a city from falling into the hands of the Lamanites than to retake it from them..."
I always read it as: it is easier to keep your children from falling into the hands of the adversary than to retake them from him..."
I promised myself that I would never forget that lesson.
And I haven't.
Now, I am kind of in the business of trying to take back cities.
For a LONG time I beat myself up over that early warning scripture.
I just wasn't diligent enough, good enough,
righteous enough etc. etc.
I know better now.
In the end, after all of Moroni's fortifications and seriously, notwithstanding the greatest example of a man of God to follow,
the people still made their own choices.
Choices that were really hard on Moroni, and on moms.
But--agency is the plan. HIS plan. It's just how it works.
It can be hard and painful but when you truly catch the vision,
it is glorious beyond words.
So I have stopped beating myself up (most of the time).
I'm still doing my best to fortify.
And I'm holding on to my faith with both hands.
Because really, it always goes back to Jesus.
Nothing in my life is a surprise to Him.
He knows my end from my beginning- which means He knows just how to ease my burdens, fill me with hope, and increase my joy.
All I have to do is partner with Him and keep my covenants.
Kept covenants are truly the best fortifications.
Just ask Moroni. :)